No, today I got yet another "Not now" from God.
I'll be honest. It hurts. I feel like just at the moment when I am really feeling covered in prayer and content with my life, I realize again just how much I want something that, by all I can tell, is a good thing to want and how badly it stings when God still says no.
So today, Nehemiah 8:10 has been on constant repeat in my brain: "The joy of the Lord is your strength."
I've been thinking over each part of the verse and it's given me some comfort today. It doesn't say that the joy of the Lord might be our strength or there's a chance that someday we'll have joy and on that day, it will be our strength.
Just "the joy of the Lord is your strength."
It's present tense.
I've been thinking a lot also about Hannah in 1 Samuel. She prayed for years and years for a child and God continued to say no, over and over again. I've always, always wondered why God said no for so long. It says that children are a blessing, which in my mind would make them a good thing to want. Was her heart not right yet? Did she still have something to learn? Was He waiting until she was willing to give her longed-for child back to Him?
Or, perhaps it was something else altogether.
I love what Nathan's Jesus Storybook Bible says, talking about John writing the book of Revelation: "And he knew, in some mysterious way that would be hard to explain, that everything was going to be more wonderful for once having been so sad."
Maybe that's why God allows us to wait. Maybe because He knows that all this frustration, all these tears, all this sadness is going to make the day when we are finally holding that blessing in our arms ever so much more wonderful because we have longed for it, prayed for it, ached for it for so long.
I'm still praying for you. I'm praying that we learn contentment with what we have, thankfulness for what God has done and is doing in our lives, and how to find strength in the joy of the Lord even when we are struggling with His plan.
Love to you,
*hugs* My prayers are with you during this time.
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ReplyDeleteWaiting for anything is so hard, as you said especially for things that are good. In another type of waiting situation, and yes I am trying desperating not to let it steal my joy. So admire you. You have so much at such a young age.
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ReplyDeleteWaiting for anything is so hard, as you said especially for things that are good. In another type of waiting situation, and yes I am trying desperating not to let it steal my joy. So admire you. You have so much at such a young age.
Thank you for the good reminder about patience today. I'm in the same situation as many of those girls who posted earlier about waiting for a husband, so just add me to your list. :)
ReplyDeleteI also meant to comment on that initial post, but for whatever reason, never did. I figure that now is my second chance... I have truly appreciated your honesty, and even now, admire your willingness to share everything that is going on in your life, the good and the bad! Even though we have never met, my roommate and I have been praying for you (and Jon and Nathan too!). Hang in there, Erynn!
Thanks for the verse and the reminder! I'm still praying for you too! : )
ReplyDeleteStill thinking & praying for you! It's comforting to know I have a "waiting buddy" that is not only trusting the Lord right along with me, but also keeping me in prayer as well. Thanks for that! I don't see any complaining here...just a genuine heart asking "why"....trying to understand God and His ways. The verses you mentioned tie in with the verse about God's ways being higher than ours, and His thoughts greater. Another verse in Psalms that comes to mind is: (S)He who plants in tears will harvest with shouts of joy (Ps. 126:5). Love you, friend! BecLuvzGod
ReplyDeleteI'm still praying for you too! I totally understand how hard it is to desire something that seems like such a good, even biblical thing...and it's just not happening.
ReplyDeleteMy prayers for you will continue :)
PS I just found or refound :), Hebrews 13:5, and it really blessed me :)
We're just meant to be pregnant together. That's why you have to wait. ;)
ReplyDeletePraying for you!!
~ Jen
Oh Erynn, my heart hurts with yours in this waiting period. While our waiting periods are for two different blessings (I'm waiting and praying anxiously for God to bless my life with a husband), I feel like my heart relates to yours right now. It is SO hard and bittersweet to be learning the lessons God is teaching while we wait. It's even harder when it seems like everyone around you is getting 'yes' and your answer is still 'not yet'. You are in my prayers! Thank you for your honesty!
ReplyDeleteI just saw this post, but I totally releate. I am also waiting and I know how it feels. But God is faithful :) that is a good thing to remind myself of.
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