Oh sweet boy, how much I love you. I love your passionate love for life, I love your uncontrollable giggling fits, I love your crazy jokes, I love your nonstop chatter... I just love you. I love that you gave me one of my most cherished names - Mama.
And I love that many months ago, you started praying for a baby "brubber-sister". I love that you would remind me that you were praying on the days when I needed to hear that the most - days when it seemed like we would never get pregnant, days right after our miscarriage when I wondered if you were meant to be my only one, days during long and semi-painful fertility treatments, days when Dad and I finally fully put our desire to have another in Jesus' hands. You kept telling me. Randomly in the car. Right before bed. In the middle of "helping" me make dinner. You'd say it. "I prayed and asked Jesus for a brother-sister, Mama."
I love that you knew before anyone else that your little brother was coming to join our family. I love, love that Jesus gave you that knowledge before anyone else. You started patting my stomach and telling me there was a baby in there for an entire week before I tested. You knew and I will never stop being amazed at how much you already hear His voice!!
You have been such a helper to me! You've been a trooper coming to every doctor's visit, every ultrasound. You've helped me lift heavy things, you've been understanding about me not being able to pick you up anymore and when my ankles were swelling so much, you were constantly following me around all day while Daddy was at work, dragging the ottoman with you, telling me to sit down and put my feet up. ;)
Sweet boy, this week marks the beginning of a brand new life for us.
I will admit it, I'm nervous. I worry about taking care of you and a tiny newborn while also recovering from a c-section. I worry about nursing being as difficult as the last time while also trying to entertain a big boy at the same time. I worry that our special bond that we have as just you and me will change and then I worry that I won't have the same bond with your little brother that I have with you.
Starting this week, we have a new, wonderful addition to our family of three and we become a family of four. This week, we will finally be able to see your sweet baby brother's face and what has been so untouchable for the last nine months will become oh so real for you and us.
This week, you will stop being our only child and you will become one of two. You will have the burden and inexplicable joy of being the older sibling - and oh, sweet Nathan, how much your brother will love you!
You see, all those times you prayed and asked Jesus for a baby brother-sister, He was crafting this one - this precious, precious boy - just for you. Just for me. Just for Daddy. Jesus knew then that what you needed more than anything else was a brother. A built-in best friend. A buddy for the rest of your life. There are things that only you will teach him, Nathan - and most of that will be good. I'm sure some will be not so good. :)
You have such ideas of what having a brother will be like. And I can't wait for you to mesh imagination with reality. I tear up constantly thinking of you seeing him for the first time, holding him for the first time, kissing his sweet cheeks for the first time. As much as I waited and ached and anxiously counted down before you were born, I am even more excited this time around. Because now, not only do I get to experience it, but I get to watch you experience it too.
Oh, how I love you, sweet boy. And oh, how much I love your precious brother. The years of longing are about to be swept away and we are about to receive a most amazing gift! You are a blessing, Nathan. Your brother is a blessing.
I am blessed.
So so so blessed.
And so as we play, as we sing songs and make lunch and read books and go about our normal-ness for these last few moments, if I need more hugs or kisses than usual or if I cry when I tell you goodnight, it's only because I'm looking at this life that God has given me and I can't even breathe from drowning in His abundant blessings.
I love you, Nathan James O'Brien - so soooo so much. Let's go meet your brother!