01 02 03 Erynn's Blog: Closure 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33


Yesterday, we went back to the doctor for yet another ultrasound to see if everything was out and unfortunately, the pregnancy sac was still there. The good news - if there was good news in that situation - was that the sac looked empty, which meant that sometime over the last week or so, my body had realized the baby was gone and had reabsorbed it.

Which at first made me very sad but the more I thought about it, the more I decided that just meant this little one will always be a part of us.

Since nothing had passed, I had to take misoprostol yesterday. It was a very long, emotional, rough, painful day. The cramping got so bad at one point that I had to take a vicodin on top of the 800mg of Motrin I was taking and use a heating pad. By 6:15 last night, though, the majority seemed to be out. And the cramping and bleeding has finally lessened significantly now.

I spent most of yesterday in tears because even though I've known it was over for a week, it was actually over yesterday. Part of me really needed the closure and the ability to just grieve. My parents came over last night after Nathan was in bed just to check up on me and bring me a milkshake. They have a blood pressure monitor and because of all the bleeding, my blood pressure was very, very low. I called the on-call doctor and she told me to drink as much as possible and making sure I didn't start feeling dizzy or I was going to have to go back to the ER. That did not sound fun at all, so I downed four glasses of water, milkshake and orange juice before bed last night.

My blood pressure is much better today and I'm actually feeling okay. I took a three hour nap while Nathan was sleeping today and I've been doing my best to look forward. We are going to get a tree this weekend for our yard in honor of our little one. We are praying hard that our doctor will be able to get us in for my laparoscopy the first week of August so we can begin trying again.

Thank you friends for all your prayers for this very, very long month. I know I could never have made it through this without the huge circle of prayer, support and hugs.

"From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
-Psalm 61:2
35 36 37 38