01 02 03 Erynn's Blog: To my sweet little one 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33

To my sweet little one

My precious baby,

How we prayed for you, how we wanted you and oh little one, how we loved you. You were so, so loved. So precious to us. We rejoiced over you.

I will never know this side of heaven why we weren't able to meet you. Why I was never able to kiss your sweet face or snuggle with your sweet self. I have so many things that I want to know about you - boy or girl? Tall or short? Dark hair like your daddy or light hair like your mommy? All questions that I have to believe I will find the answers to someday. In heaven.

And oh, sweet baby, how I long for heaven! I cannot wait for the day when I get to hold you in my arms and kiss your little cheeks. Until then, I will have to trust that Jesus is holding you as tightly as I would be. And I know that your great-grandparents are having a wonderful time playing with you and hugging you and telling you all about the wonderful legacy of Jesus that you are blessed to come from.

There are so many things I wish I had the chance to tell you. How much I love you. How much I will always love you. I wish you could meet your big brother who kissed you daily through me when you were here on this earth. I would tell you so much - how loved you are, how precious you are, how much Jesus loves you. Oh how Jesus loves you, little one. The picture of my Savior holding you right now is honestly the only thing that is getting me through this day. That and you being passed around to Tapa, Grandmom and Grandad. I can imagine the joy on their faces at meeting one of their great-grandchildren. Oh how I wish I could see it.

Sweetie, I cannot wait to see you. I miss you so much and there is a part of me I know that will miss you for as long as I'm on this earth. How thankful I am for your big brother to fill my aching arms right now, but you are still missing and that piece will never be complete until heaven.

Oh honey, how grateful I am for our Savior. How thankful I am for this hope of heaven and seeing you there one day. He is good, little one. God is good. I don't understand why you aren't here. I don't understand why we won't get to experience everything we were so excited for - feeling you kick, finding out whether you were a boy or a girl, holding you in our arms, teaching you about Jesus. But I have to believe. I have to trust. He is good. He is good. He is good.

On the night in the ER, sweetheart, when we saw your tiny heart beating, God gave me a verse. He told me He would never leave me or forsake me. And then I had this wonderful thought - that will be our baby's life verse. And my precious baby, that is your LIFE verse. Your eternal life verse. He will never leave you. He will never forsake you. You will be in His presence forever! What joy there is in that thought! You will never know pain. You will never know heartache. You are and always will be completely innocent of any of this world's hurts because Jesus is there with you and holding you now.

Oh how I will miss you.

Your daddy, brother and I love you so much, little one. I can't wait until Jesus introduces us to you someday.

I love you, my sweet, sweet baby.


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