Let's say you have this amazing Wanted In A Husband List. Maybe it's like mine and it's 73 points long. And contains stuff like "Doesn't wear dog show shoes" (which my list had on it).
So, you've got your list, you've got your eyes open, you're of the "marriageable age" (whatever that is for you), and then you meet this amazing guy. He's a super strong Christian, he's hilariously funny, he's smart, he's the protective type and oh wow, is this guy gorgeous.
BUT this amazing guy does wear dog show shoes. Every day, actually. He thinks they are the most comfortable shoes ever and has four different pairs that he cycles through every week. He's even asked his mother to be sure he's got the shoes on when he's buried someday.
What would you do? :)
I've heard both sides of the fence with this Husband List issue. Some people think it's the best thing you can do and you should only marry someone who fits every single quality on there. Others, though, think it sticks you in a box and you'll miss someone who is perfect for you just because you can't compromise.
I tend to be more the middle of the road. I think it IS important to know what you are looking for in a guy, and to have some of the Non-Negotiables like I talked about earlier - Christian, obviously, being the more important one. But, I also think when writing this list, you need to do a few things:
1. Do not have a guy in mind as you write the list. Unless you are engaged or married to this man, it defeats the purpose (and if you're engaged or married you should probably not be writing a list). :)
2. Be sure to separate your Non-Negotiables from your Trivial points. I had "Likes and wants kids" which I wasn't going to budge on. I love kids, I want kids. I wasn't going to marry someone who was anti-children. But, I also had stuff on there like "Doesn't like watching golf". It was something that I would prefer, but not a deal-breaker (and Jon doesn't watch golf by the way. Yay!).
3. Pray while you're writing this list. And remember, it's not the list that will pick your future husband. It's God. Especially during this time of singleness, pray that God will make His will abundantly clear to you. Maybe it will be someone so surprising, the list will just become meaningless - and that's fine! Don't make the list the end-all. Don't stand up and leave in the middle of a romantic dinner just because the guy doesn't like coffee. However, don't stay on this romantic date if the guy tells you he only goes to church to meet pretty girls like you.
I think a list can be an amazing thing because it helps us not to settle. With one guy I dated, my dad even said something about that. "Remember that list? Does he even meet more than two things on there?" The list started out a joke, but if I hadn't had one, it would have been waaay easy to settle for less than God's best. That's what I think the list is good for - in the confusion of a relationship where your emotions are going ballistic, there's black letters on a piece of white paper that keep you reigned in.
So, what are we going to do about this amazing guy with the dog show shoes? If you can't even look below his knees because you might see his shoes and then proceed to have a fit, please don't marry this poor man. Someday he'll be on one knee and you'll only see the shoe when you should be seeing the ring.
But, if it's more like the shoes are just a preference and when you consider the rest of the man, they fade into the background, go ahead. Some things aren't worth nitpicking. (Plus, one day you'll be buying the shoes and you can just gradually move him out of those.)
Must-Haves and Preferreds. Keep them in mind when you're deciding whether or not to date someone, whether or not to marry him.
I want to talk a little more this week about the whole Future Husband thing: How do you know he's the right one? (and I did not mean to sound like Giselle on Enchanted just then). When Jon and I were dating, I kept waiting for those signs like the guy saw in Fools Rush In - some random man on a street corner telling me I need to marry Jon. Yeah. It didn't happen. We'll talk more about that later.
Okay, Trivial time! What are or were some of the less important stuff in a future husband to you guys? :)